missing my daddy

I tell Nate all the time how lucky he is. Well, truth be told we at the junior O'neal household, are all lucky. Nate's parents live across the pasture from us. We see them all the time. This is not a bad thing. We work with them, and my mother-in-law always cooks Sunday lunch for us and for Nate's sister and her family. I adore this tradition. I grew up going to my grandma's house for Sunday lunch. All of my uncles, aunts and cousins were there. Sometimes Grandma would take a break from the cooking and pick up a bucket (or 2 or 3) from KFC. Not as good as Grandma's but it filled us up. The families would hang out: usually my uncles would go in the living room and watch tv, the aunts would sit in the kitchen and chat, and all of us kids would be outside yelling and getting dirty. Unless it was raining; then we would be yelling upstairs. Ahhh, the memories. I am so glad that my children get to have these memories.

Anyway, I know I ramble... So, I talked to my dad and we chatted for a few minutes. It just made me miss him. I didn't have a great relationship with him when I lived with him (I was 15 to 17) and I really didn't have a relationship with my step-mom. I think I tried to rebel against anything and everything back then. But now is a different story. Now that I have kids, my perspective has changed....drastically. I like the person my step-mom is. In fact I view her as one of my friends not as a step-mom. I didn't realize the sacrifices both she and my dad made..until I became a parent...and they have done much more. Ah back to my main reason for the post: I don't know the person my dad is or my younger brother. I mean, when I think of my dad I think of "dad" and not the man he is. I think that takes time and hanging out with. I usually get to see him 2 or maybe 3 times a year and that's not enough to really get to know someone. I also don't know the man my younger brother has become. Dax is 5 years younger than me. When I think of him, he is 5 or 6. Funny how a person stays a certain age in your mind! Anyway, by the time that I started my own family, Dax was in high school and living life. I wasn't sure what he was into, and truth be told, I was too busy with my own life to really ask about his. I just wonder sometimes that if I had met him (like he wasn't my bro, just a person) if I would like him. I think I would, but I really don't know. Dax just celebrated his second anniversary and it freaks me out somewhat. I can't believe that he is a married man. Not some little pest who always wants in my room. Ahhh, I guess that when it is all boiled down....Nate needs to appreciate what he has. He can walk 500 yards and see his family. I have to wait months. He knows his dad and mom as people and not just as "mom and dad". He gets to see his sister several times a week. He has gotten to watch his sister grow into the woman and mother she is, his nephew's grow up, and see his parent's age and get older. All the while not appreciating it. It doesn't seem fair. I know that life isn't fair, but sometimes it sucks.
All I know is: I want more for my kids. I want them to watch me and Nate grow old (even if I am fighting it all the way). I want them to have memories of their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. I guess, I just want them to know that family is important. That's it; family is important.